PART ONE OF THREE
A STORY BY CATMAN
Jake has been trying to get me to go on one of his fishing trips, up on the lake, ever since he moved into the house next to mine. At 22 years old, I was still living at home with my parents. Jake was only three years older than me. It was really weird that we would be friends because the two of us are total opposites. While, I think Jake is totally hot, . I absolutely hated his wife! Anne was such a shrew! Always nagging and complaining about everything.
Jake is an outdoor sportsman type of guy, while I'm usually content to watch that kind of crap on my TV. (Only, if nothing else is available to watch.) He fished, hiked, and hunted at various times of the year.
He knew nothing about my gay life style until one day when I forgot to lock our side gate. He came over to use our pool during the day and found one of my naked friends in the water. Ryan loves to be naked in the sun to get a maximum tan.
When I arrived home from work, Jake was working in his garage. Wearing just a pair of really short cutoffs, he looked especially hot. He came over to greet me when I got out of my car. "I think I may have scared off one of your pals today. The boy should buy a swimsuit! I just ignored him, but he climbed up on the side of the pool and jerked off in front of me. I think your friend is gay!"
"Sorry, about that!" (I figured this was finally a good time to come out to him. So I continued...) "Actually you are right. Ryan is gay, but so am I!"
I expected some homophobic response, but didn't get one. He simply said, "Okay" and walked away. The next couple of weeks, I didn't see much of Jake, until he came over one afternoon and extended the invite for a fishing trip at the lake on his father's cabin cruiser. "It'll just going to be a 'guy's weekend'. I know you don't like Anne very much. We are having our own problems lately. She's upstate at her sister's house for a few weeks while her baby is due. My folks are gone and I have the boat this weekend. We can stay on the boat and fish all weekend."
To tell you the truth, I would rather watch paint dry than fish, but spending time alone with Jake, I could fake it! Jake seemed to realize it and surprised me when he said, "Just for some company for you, its okay if you want to invite your friend Ryan to join us."
Ryan was more than eager and jumped at the chance to join us. That Saturday morning, we stopped to buy provisions and the three of us crowded into the front seat of Jake's pickup truck. Arriving an hour later, we boarded the boat and set out from the dock. There was a small boat just a few hundred feet from shore. The hunk fisherman appeared to be shirtless until he stood to reel in a fish. He was naked and his erection was pointing out to the lake.
We had a good laugh, even Jake noticed and made a comment. Jake drove the boat to a spot where he said the fishing was always good. We cast out and sat there with our lines in the water for almost two hours without a single bite. Sweating under the Summer heat, we gave up.
It was Jake's suggestion that we go for a swim to cool off. I was as surprised, as Ryan, when Jake pulled off all of his clothes and jumped naked off of the boat. Even more surprising was that he had a giant hard-on!!!
Ryan and I raced to strip out of our clothes and I join Jake in the lake. We swam for a while, mostly just treading water. I couldn't figure out why Ryan didn't jump in to join us until he called down, "I think I'll just lay up here and catch some sun. You guys have fun in the water. I'll be okay up here on deck."
Damn, I thought, he's just showing off his erection! It's not very big, but I know from experience that he knows how to use it. He stood there and played with it while watching us in the water, before stretching out under the afternoon sun.
After refreshing ourselves in the lake water for about twenty minutes. Jake suggested we join Ryan in the boat. Not knowing, what to expect next on this strange fishing trip, I swam toward the boat.
(end of part 1)
Great start! Looking forward to parts 2 and 3. I love the picture of the guy fishing nonchalantly with his cock sticking out :-)
ReplyDeleteYou need to watch the excess commas. "Not knowing, what to expect" is incorrect. It should read "Not knowing what to expect. Never put a comma between a verb and its object. Ditto with "While, I think Jake is totally hot, ..." The comma after "while" interrupts the flow.
ReplyDeleteSimilarly, the parenthetical sentence "(Only, if nothing else is available to watch.)" should read "(only if nothing else is available to watch)," and it should be part of the prior sentence. By itself, it is not a complete thought.
In contrast, the sentence "We had a good laugh, even Jake noticed and made a comment" has TWO complete thoughts and should therefore constitute two separate sentences: "We had a good laugh. Even Jake noticed and made a comment."
Also, "its okay if you want to invite your friend Ryan..." is not OK. "Its" is a possessive pronoun. You meant to use the contraction "it's," short for "it is."
The extra-comma issue shows up again in "I was as surprised, as Ryan, when Jake pulled off...." No. "I was as surprised as Ryan when Jake pulled off...." In speaking that sentence, you would not break between "surprised" and "as," and so the comma a mistake.
Finally, "After refreshing ourselves in the lake water for about twenty minutes." is not a sentence. That clause should end in a comma and be merged with the next clause.
These may seem like picky points, but correcting them will make your writing more readable.
On the positive side, you are good at writing dialogue. That's not easy to do.